About not being tomato soup and that not everyone will like you

28-09-2023

You are a creative person whose domain is individuality and originality and inevitably can’t stand clichés. Do you like to express yourself in a way that is different from everyone else? It’s an amazing quality and a talent for adding a unique colour to your life and surroundings. You used to think that such an attitude couldn’t cause you any problems, but in the meantime…

You’ve probably already experienced first-hand that colourful and original characters can be disliked or even heckled, all the more so because, in their openness, they often show the world what they have to offer and reveal their tender spots.

Know that any 'otherness' is difficult to accept.

For a very simple reason – we just like what we know better. As a classic said in a certain film, “I’m a strict mind and I like songs I’ve already heard once”. You know? Exactly the same mechanism underpins the whole marketing business, which aims to create brands that will sell products through recognition / familiarity, but above all brands that will be liked or even loved by their users. If you have ever heard a heated discussion about features on an iPhone fan’s phone with an Android owner, you know what we are talking about.

Is it worth being different?

To be honest, operating in the creative industry you have no other choice. If you think it will be easier to keep your head down and blend in with the crowd to be accepted then that is the beginning of the end of your creative activity. Because without individuality there is no creativity. And without originality there is no future. So what to work on?

The key is acceptance

Work on accepting that not everyone will like you or your work. Which is to say, exactly as in the title: you are not tomato soup for everyone to like you. And supposedly there is no accounting for taste Once you realise this and, more importantly, fully integrate it into your value system, you will feel the stress of being exposed to the opinions of others eased, and you are not only free, but also true to yourself. Also, think about the fact that you don’t like everyone or everything either. And that is perfectly ok. You have the right to do so and others have the right to dislike you too.

What will people say?

They can say a lot, wonderful things, but also terrible things. When exposing your work to the light of day or selling your services, you will always face judgement, criticism and … often heckling. Right away it is worth separating two issues, namely what is criticism and what is hate.

Criticism is the expression of a personal opinion, which, although painful, can also be positive. If you take it in and look at it closely it can show you areas for your development or a glimpse of what you could do much better. Without criticism there is no development, this is more than certain. Because we learn more from our stumbles than from wallowing in the glow of admiration in a company of mutual adoration.
Hate differs from criticism first and foremost in its intention - it is not substantive and its purpose is simply to humiliate or harm the victim. It is a form of aggression that can cause great harm. It often stems from unhealthy jealousy that feeds on depreciating someone's worth.

So accept criticism with dignity, the more constructive and specific the better. Don’t be offended, but ask to get as much detail as possible. Everything you work through in this way is your capital for the future.

A culture of feedback in a creative environment

The notion of a feedback culture has already made its home on all floors of modern corporations, which, in line with their social responsibility policy, listen to the needs not only of their customers, but also of their employees. Gathering feedback is meant to solve problems, but also to develop and look at things from a different perspective. How do you do this in a small creative business environment?

It’s worth building a safe environment around you of people whose honesty and trust you can count on. It’s easier to take criticism from someone you know has good intentions and wants to support you in your endeavours. Before you expose yourself to the blade of merciless external criticism, show your work to a friendly soul and ask for their honest opinion.

In a network of anonymous shadows

We all function more or less in a virtual space. If you are a creator who takes a business approach to your passion then sooner or later you will ask yourself – where and how do I have an online presence. Online forums, social media or sales platforms are all places where, in addition to being able to showcase and sell your work, you can also collect a good chunk of unflattering comments or, quite simply, boorish hate. Is hate speech a phenomenon that has been generated by widespread access to the Internet? Of course not, but the Internet has given it a huge scope for development. Anonymity is a feature that makes it easy for us to hate others. The worst thing is that the snowball principle is at work here, one bad comment triggering an avalanche of more and more, reaching a sometimes unbelievable scale.

How do you deal with hate speech?

You have to learn to live with it, all celebrities will tell you, even though it hurts them too. Some of them just don’t read the bad comments, sweep them away with their eyes and move on to the positive ones. That’s some way to go too. But let’s assume that you’ve already received the hate, because Pamela99 wrote that you’re hopeless and such “works” can only be made by monkeys in a zoo for two bananas, not for that kind of money. What can I say, you feel very bad about it, your sense of self-worth has just hit rock bottom and you feel like dropping everything and getting away from it all…

Stop! First of all, take a few deep breaths and try to rationalise the problem, a psychologist would say calm your emotions and settle down in reality.
Look at the situation and try to answer the question why it affects you so much, what does it mean to you that someone who doesn't even know you has poured a bucket of slander on you?
If you can see the absurdity of the hater's behaviour you will look at it with different eyes. The important thing is to realise at all times that you are GOOD ENOUGH at what you do, work on a strong foundation of self-esteem and the heckling will be less effective.
And if you feel you want to respond to your hater though, point him out and show that his comment is out of place and off topic. Or even invite them to a substantive discussion, to which you are always open... You'll see that they will come down hard. And remember, there will always be someone who doesn't like you....

So what?

Exactly, so what? Kasia Nosowska, who has seen a lot in her life and is known for her great distance to herself, says: “I recommend to you a wonderful formula for the fear of what people will say, and it is: So what? Nothing about it. It turns out to be nothing every time. They will talk – that’s for sure. They will talk as much as it takes to satiate themselves – no more. The point is not to cause a monologue to turn into a dialogue by your own involvement. Don’t hesitate to use your own life to live as you please.”

And we stand by that too.